Best Funny Jokes of all time to Make everyone Laugh

Everyone loves a good joke, and we’ve collected the best funny jokes of all time, whether they are classic jokes, Dad-Jokes, dark jokes and food or tech. related jokes to make everyone laugh around you and get appreciation. These jokes are perfect for sharing with friends, family, or even just to cheer yourself up on a bad day. From quick one-liners to classic setups with hilarious punchlines, this list has something for every sense of humor.

Nothing brings people together like laughter, and these jokes are guaranteed to do the trick. Whether you’re looking for clever wordplay, silly dad jokes, or just something ridiculous to make you giggle, you’ll find it here. Get ready to save these favorites and spread the joy—because everyone could use more laughter in their life! 😄

Table of Contents

Best Funny Classic Jokes

Yesterday, I couldn’t figure out whether someone was waving at me or the person behind me. In other news, I lost my lifeguarding job.
A man went to see his doctor, and the doctor said, “I have some bad news and some worse news.” The man asked for the bad news first, and the doctor replied, “You have only 24 hours to live.” Gutted, the man said, “That’s terrible! Wait a minute—what’s the worse news?” The doctor responded, “I should have told you yesterday.”
A man dining at a seafood restaurant asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, “Once upon a time, there was this lobster …”
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Hilarious Quotes

First, the doctor told me the good news. He said that I was going to have a disease named after me.” —Steve Martin
“Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It’s cheaper.” —Quentin Crisp
“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” —Oscar Wilde
“In Denver, the members of a Sunday school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths. One youngster laboriously printed, ‘Do one to others as others do one to you.’” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post
“One of the oddities of Wall Street is that it is the dealer and not the customer who is called broker.” —Dallas News
“I wish I had enough money to buy an elephant,” a woman told her husband. “What on earth do you need an elephant for?” he asked. “I don’t,” she replied. “I just need the money.” —Sam Levenson
“It seems I have spent a lifetime of mouthing mechanically, ‘Say thank you. Sit up straight. Use your napkin. Close your mouth when you chew. Don’t lean back in your chair.’ Just when I finally got my husband squared away, the kids came along.” —Erma Bombeck

Classic One-Liners

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”
Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
Advice to husbands: Try praising your wife now and then, even if it does startle her at first.
My colorblind diagnosis really came out of the orange.
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.
I entered 10 puns in a contest to see which would win. No pun in 10 did.
A man walks into a bar and says, “That’s going to leave a mark.”
My dog used to chase people on bikes a lot. It got so bad that finally I had to take his bike away.
What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?”
My IQ test results came back. They were negative.
What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? A polar bear.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.

What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.
I never knew what happiness was until I got married—and then it was too late.
Some men say they don’t wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation. Well, that’s the point, isn’t it?

Best Funny Dark Jokes

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Today, I asked my phone, “Siri, why am I still single?” It activated the front-facing camera.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you, but if you donate five kidneys, they call the police?
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. The last thing she said was, “Be positive.” But it’s hard without her.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But I find going through the rib cage a lot easier.
While digging in the garden, I found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
I childproofed my house. Somehow they still got in!
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body.
When I told my date I worked with animals, she found it really sweet and asked more about my job. So I told her: “I’m a butcher.”
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. Like when you push them down the stairs.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Never break someone’s heart. They only have one of those. Break their bones instead—they have 206 of them.
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
After the man who created the hokeypokey died, it took a while to get the body in the casket. They put his right foot in. They took his right foot out….

Dad Jokes (So Bad They’re Good)

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!
What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hi, bud!”
I went to buy some camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I took a couple of days off.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner!
Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems!
What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn’t like it.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
I’m writing a book about glue, but I’m stuck on the first chapter.
What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
Two sheep walk into a—baaaa.

Food Jokes

Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumbly!
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange!
Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems… and no solutions (or soup)!

Tech & Social Media Jokes

Why was the computer cold? It left its Window open!
Instagram vs. Reality be like: ‘Posting a sunset pic with a deep quote’ vs. ‘Actually wearing pajamas and eating cereal for dinner.’
I changed my password to ‘incorrect.’ Now my computer just tells me, ‘Your password is incorrect.’ Every. Single. Time.
Why did the Wi-Fi break up with the Internet? It needed space—there were just too many connections.
My social media feed is like a fridge: I keep opening it hoping something new will appear, but it’s always the same old stuff.
Why don’t robots ever panic? They always have Ctrl + Alt + Delete to fall back on.

Dark Humor (For Those Who Love Edgy Jokes)

I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield? Everywhere
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I have many jokes about unemployed people—sadly, none of them work.
The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.